Life in Bitesize

Archive for the ‘Funny Stuff’ Category

If you’re sitting at your office desk reading this, beware! A new survey has revealed that the average desk surface has over 400 times more germs than a toilet seat – nice!

If you think about it, it’s probably true. We clean our toilets, much more often than we do our desks (well I know I do). I’m happy to leave my desk if it looks clean, but I clean my toilet regularly whether it looks clean or not.

The research from Microban revealed that telephones have 25,127 germs per square inch, the average computer mouse has 1,676 germs per square inch while a toilet seat has a mere 49 germs per square inch.

So, let this be a warning to all you office workers out there – remember to clean your office desks and phones regularly – you never know what’s lurking there! Or failing that, if you can’t be bothered to clean, I’m sure there’s always a nice clean white porcelain desk available in your building somewhere…

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I know that chilli can sometimes cause problems… but knocking down a house? That’s impressive.

A truck driver in Lowell, Massachusetts, in America, crashed into a house after he was knocked unconscious by the chilli he was eating while driving. Eric Gremm was eating chilli when his truck ran over a bump. This caused him to choke on the chilli, after which he passed out. The truck then veered off the road and smashed into the house, leaving a gaping hole in the side of the building and damaging the foundations.

Luckily, 59-year-old Gremm only suffered minor injuries, although it could’ve been a lot worse. The house is pretty much wrecked, and it looks like he might be needing to buy just a few commercial truck parts now!

Nobody else was seriously injured in the crash. Police said that Gremm could now face charges of eating while driving.

So let this be a lesson to anyone thinking about eating chilli while driving (as if you were…) Don’t 🙂

Are the cars in Malvern not good enough to steal that thieves have resorted to nicking lawnmowers?

I love reading stories about dumb criminals, it really makes my day. I read one today about two men in Malvern who broke into a pensioner’s garage and stole, wait for it, a lawnmower and…. a packet of sausages. What a random combination of things to steal! “Ooh yes I’ll have that lawnmower, and oh yes those sausages”. There are some strange people out there. I can only imagine that the two guys were under the influence of something when they decided to break in. Well, they got caught (probably riding the lawnmower down the street), and now have 200 hours of community service to complete. Well done lads.

I read a really funny story today about a string of bizarre office burglaries in Pennsylvania over the Christmas period. Eleven businesses reported break-ins over a 10 day period starting on 21st Dec. Police say that in most of the cases, the burglars pried open a back or side door at night, ate sweets left at workers’ office desks, and food from a fridge, and used office computers to look at pornography. Oh, and they also stole a few hundred dollars in cash from some of the businesses.

I think these burglars are my favourite ever burglars (if you can have favourites of such things…!) Not content with stealing money and food, they choose to look at porn while they eat those poor office workers sweets. Haha brilliant 🙂

I thought you might enjoy some of these funny signs, they made me chuckle. 


This van driver clearly has a sense of humour – definitely a new take on van sign writing!

The best thing about flying model RC Planes? The crashes! If you need something to cheer you up, check this out:

The health and safety brigade have found their next target – good old Father Christmas. Apparently he’s not a good role model, and they’ve accused him of promoting obesity and drink driving over the festive period. They claim that a fat, tipsy Father Christmas with no regard for health and safety sends out the wrong message to children, and they’d like to give him a makeover.

The tradition of leaving a glass of sherry out, they say, is promoting drink driving. With a few billion houses to visit at a rate of 1,400 per second, Santa would be over the legal drink-drive limit in a flash if he downed a 25ml measure of sherry with each delivery. By the end of the night he would be more than 47 million times over the limit.

They’ve also accused him of speeding. Taking time zones into account, Santa has about 31 hours to deliver an estimated 700 million gifts on Christmas Eve, and to accomplish this, his sleigh would need to be travelling at just under 1,600km (1,000 miles) a second, try that in a used car in Worcester! They also claim that he is never seen wearing a seatbelt or helmet and partakes in extreme sports such as roof surfing and chimney jumping.

Obesity is another charge – they claim he will consume around 31 billion calories in one night, quite enough to keep him going for the rest of the year…
So, poor Santa might be getting a makeover if they get their way. Somehow I can’t imagine any other image being quite as popular as the much-loved rotund version of our favourite icon.